How A Cup of Coffee Changed My Marriage


I’ve been discussing the difficulty of change lately. Challenges, barriers, complexities. Today, I want to take a moment and remind us all of the simple elements of change, the power of consistency, and how small things become big things.

So the question is, can a cup of coffee change your life? Some of you know the magic of coffee. That first sip, and you go from death to life. Your brain works again…

My typical morning involves all three of my children, jumping to the floor and running to my room, firing on all cylinders. “Mom! Mom! We’re hungry! We’re hungry! Can I have_______?” Fill in the blank with three different, equally unacceptable breakfast choices. I stumble into the kitchen, trying to make sense of the little hooligans doing a circular tribal dance around me. “Mom! Mom! Mom!”

I probably agree to things like cookies, ice cream, and candy for breakfast. I don’t know. I just need the noise to stop long enough so that I can figure out how to put my k-cup in my Keurig and push a button. (And not forget to put the coffee cup underneath….ugh…I know some of you can relate to that.)

And then there’s that first glorious sip that clears my bleary eyes, comforts my jangling nerves, and I can think clearly enough to serve my kids something relatively healthy while my coffee gets cold. (That is why microwaves were invented, right?) I promise I didn’t care so much about having coffee as soon as my feet hit the floor before kids. But, now…it’s a means of surviving the fact that I like to wake up slowly, and my kids do not.

I tried getting up before them so that I had the chance to wake up a little before all that energy swarmed over me. Guess what? They somehow figured it out, and started getting up earlier too. I surrender, just pass the joe.

One day something happened that changed my life. My husband, who hates coffee, got up one morning, and before he left for an early morning job brought me a steaming cup of coffee with my favorite creamer. I got in a good five sips before the little wild people descended. A totally different start to my morning. (Another question, how is it that if my husband gets up at 6 am, takes thirty phone calls, showers, open and shuts all his drawers, makes coffee, etc, no one wakes up? If I turn over in bed they wake up. WHAT IS THAT?!)

I thanked him profusely between blissful sighs of, “Mmmmm….coffee…..” And then he started making my coffee the next day and the next. For me, it changed our marriage. And it wasn’t because of my desperate need for caffeine.

I felt loved. Why? My coffee had nothing to do with him and his day. He did it solely because he wanted to be kind. You see, I homeschool three little kids, 2, 4, and 6. They are a little consuming. He owns his own business and runs a national non-profit. By the end of the day, after I get the kids in bed, and he makes it home from an unending day, sometimes we just pat each other on the shoulder and pass out with little more than, “How was your day?” We know we love and care about each other, but sometimes in the fatigue and madness we can forget.

That one cup of coffee in the morning reminds me first thing, that even though his mind is buzzing with all the phone calls he has already received before 7 am, before he dashes out the door to put out metaphorical fires he thinks of me. It is small, simple, sweet, and most importantly consistent. It is just for me.

Now, why should you care? Am I telling you that all marriages can change with a cup of coffee? No. But I am telling you that small, consistent effort can make lasting impact on your life.

Let’s talk daily devotions as an example–opening your bible for a few minutes every morning, and spending a moment in prayer. We often approach that with the mentality that we are doing it to get something out of it. Which we do. The problem is, sometimes it can feel as though we read and  pray, but nothing sinks in. We don’t feel that different. Life’s busy. Is it really worth the time sacrifice?

Instead, think about it a little like bringing a cup of coffee (0r tea, or coke, or whatever makes sense to you) to Jesus. He doesn’t need you to spend time in His Word. But, a consistent effort on your part shows how you care about building a relationship. It is an investment in the longterm. It isn’t a contractual if I do this, you do that. My morning cup of coffee from my husband is a consistent reminder to the both of us that our relationship matters. Your time in scripture is a consistent reminder to yourself that no matter what the day brings, distractions and all, your relationship with Jesus is the most important thing.

And just like any small change, you might not feel immediate effects, but scripture never returns back void. Whatever you read might not sink in on the day you read it, but as you are faithful to pour that into yourself daily, God will bring to remembrance the things you have read in the moment you need it.

So whether you are on a quest for  emotional, relational, spiritual, or physical change, don’t overlook the power of consistency in the small things. Often those small things are a catalyst for something bigger. When we are faithful in the small things, we are preparing ourselves for those big moments in life. Consistency is the key.

Pray and ask God what small thing you can do daily that will have huge dividends in the future.

6 thoughts on “How A Cup of Coffee Changed My Marriage

  1. Reblogged this on More Than Rubies and commented:
    I loved this post by Amanda Cox, I look up to her as a writer and have found guidance in her words. I myself, am struggling with this very same concept, and hearing from someone who has been married longer than I, and has a family to tend to in the process gives me someone to look to as a mentor of sorts. This post comes highly recommended (as it brought tears to my eyes, and I am not an easy cryer.) Read and Enjoy!


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